What you really say

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've always loved Emerson.  And this simple "actions speak louder than words" quote has always hit my ear in an interesting way.  But lately, it's been more of a question than a witty accusation... 

Is who I am speaking so loudly that what I say doesn't even matter?

...What about you?

A few examples... 

These Christians showed up at a Chicago Pride Parade, not to protest and spread hate, but to apologize - and not for the way homosexuals in general are treated, but for things they themselves had done. The man hugging them?  Well, duh-- obviously, he's a float dancer! (I had no clue either... except that he was probbbably part of the parade... I had to read a few articles.) I was stunned by the humility in these Christian people's actions... what words are harder to say than "I am sorry" and "I was wrong," unless it's all those words together? But I was equally, if not more, impressed by the man - who has probably felt the sting of misguided hatred more than I could ever imagine, but threw it all aside and ran to love on these new supporters. (By the way, the main man in that probably-sweaty squeeze is a pastor, who blogged about this great experience and keeps in touch with the float dancer through email.)

And no, this isn't a comment on what the Bible says about homosexuality. (Then again, Jesus didn't exactly put caveats in His word when he was chilling with "thieves" and "prostitutes"...) It is only a comment on what Jesus said about LOVE.

This is a simple note left to me by an amazing friend. Yes, it's silly - and that is the point! This gal spreads happiness wherever she goes. She left this on my car on a day when it was below freezing, windy as heck, and just straight nasty. And that definitely counts... but what counts most is that she thought beyond herself. She cared to make someone's day better. She saw my car there, she thought of me, and she instantly went to thinking about something that would make me smile - and that wasn't the only time! I can tell you from my heart, this young lady has no hateful or hurtful words to say - but, if she did, everyone would just giggle at them... who she is speaks SO strongly, those words would just come out as squeaks! 

I'm sure there is a much-more-worthy pic for this one, but I've put it on my body for a reason. If you don't know, that is half of Proverbs 31:25.... (Sorry, Mom.... I really am!) This chapter makes me take pride in being a woman, but humbles me in many ways... I have this tattoo because I believe in what was put forward in that chapter - but is what I'm "saying" with it somehow a substitute for who I should be? This chapter describes a woman who wakes early, before all her family, to provide for them (I literally debate the necessity of brushing my hair in the morning, hoping for an extra ten seconds in bed)... She opens her arms to the poor (As I selfishly consider myself to need more)... She works hard, with strong arms (While I whine about having a "tough week")... She makes sound and well-thought-out financial decisions (As I DIE for the one day every week I spend $4.50 on Drip coffee!)... Most importantly, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 

I have never "laughed at the days to come."  

I worry.  

I have never had such faith and such an unfailingly beautiful view of life that I knew that whatever the days brought, they would be good. 

Proverbs 31 wasn't written by a woman about how amazing she was. She didn't sing her own humility, her work ethic, her faith, her love for those around her, or her strength. This chapter doesn't begin with "She says: ..." This is an outside perception, what another around her saw and realized as who she was.   You don't hear what she says... because, simply put, who she was spoke so loudly, no one could hear what she was saying.

(BTW, it has been thought to be Solomon who penned this, but was probably another, less-known man... most importantly, whoever held the pen, this chapter was God-inspired - which means this is what God saw her to be.)

Maybe it will always be a goal - something like perfection, always strived for but never reached. I'm not sure, but I'm hoping that at least tomorrow, "who i am" speaks louder. 

Ah, sweet sweet sounds of...

I overslept this morning, due to an amazing sound.

No, it wasn't the rain on the windows. I didn't even notice the rain, even though it was positively pouring outside. And yes, I'm one of those people who LOVES sleeping when it is raining. To me, rain is God, saying, "Sarah, you seem tired. You should take a nap."

The sound was actually an absence of sound. The sound I heard, one I haven't heard at night for almost two months, was the glorious sound of my air conditioner shutting off. 

I have literally not heard that in AGES. And it keeps me awake!

Now wait a minute, Sarah, you might think... Who doesn't love a little white noise?

Well, I do. Believe me. I love sleeping to rain, remember? But with bills the way they are, and heat the way it is, and my poor sweet little air conditioner working its heart out every night, striving for a comfortable sleeping temperature for me but never edging below 80 degrees.... well, the air conditioner is no longer a soothing sound. 

Especially when you're trying to sleep and you're seeing visions of an evil electric bill dancing in your head.

ESPECIALLY when you're seeing those visions and your house is a swampy 80 degrees.

It took me awhile to realize that I wasn't just sleeping past the momentary breaks in my A/C's struggles. But after nights of listening, I finally determined that my A/C was, in fact, never, in my eight hours of shut-eye, getting any shut-eye itself. Thus, the sound that was once white noise became worse than a smoke alarm with a failing battery, or a baby just on verge of waking, or that pesky alarm, still somehow going off after being sent into "snooze" a dozen times (Doesn't it get the point by now? I don't want to get up!)

So. Last night... it wasn't the rain. It wasn't the thunder. It was the absolute, sudden silence of my A/c taking a break; then, instead of restarting moments later, extending that break into a little nap; then, actually turning that into a full siesta. It didn't even bother me a half hour or so later when the A/c flipped back on, happily chugging away, because somehow, it actually sounded cheerful. Rested. I could almost hear the tune of "Whistle While You Work" in it's whooshing of air, and as I slept, images of pickaxe-toting dwarves danced in my head.

Rain, I appreciate you every time I sleep, be it naptime or nighttime. But today, I thank you for another reason. I thank you for the rest for my air conditioner... the possibility of a thinner electric bill.... the equal possibility of a thicker wallet.... and most importantly, for sleeping beautifully through the night and waking to a home with a resting A/c unit and a blissful temperature of 72 degrees. 

Thanks, rain.

Thought for the day...

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
-Albert Einstein

Finally.

I've found my niche. Finally.
I took 5-1/2 years to graduate college, mostly because some of that was not in school while I tried to find my niche.
I spent 1 month looking for a post-graduation job, luckily because one fell into my lap. Not exactly my niche. Amazing job, but not my niche.
I taught fitness classes, and even considered it as a career. I loved it, and I missed it, but due to how sensitive I am, and how much I worry about other's being happy with my classes or disappointed with them, etc., not my niche.
And Wichita Falls... well, I'm one of the few who didn't hate it. I didn't run from it out of high school, or out of college. I didn't waste my breath dissing my hometown because it was "boring" or "too conservative" or "a hellhole (haha)" unlike pretty much everyone else I know. But, I have finally learned, not my niche-- at least, not for now.

I love school. I love learning. I love being challenged and being around people by myself-- albeit younger, sometimes less wise people than myself.
I love looking around a class room and seeing that we are all eating granola bars and drinking diet cokes or waters-- not candy bars and frappuccinos. I love talking about intelligent things-- then planning happy hour.
I love that I have to work very hard for anything I want-- and most of the time, because I'm surrounded by such great students, I don't get it. I hated learning disappointment, because it was not something I had ever been used to, but I love now the passion of REALLY going after something once I've decided I want it.

I love studying law. I love figuring out, logically, how and why it works-- even though someone usually has to explain it to me. I love dressing with self-respect everyday at internships, even if it's uncomfortable. I love the thought of maybe someday being a judge, and changing lives-- hopefully for the better.

I finally found my niche.... Took long enough!!

Every Girl Needs an Aunt

I have always wanted a niece! Now, don't get me wrong, I love Ivey, and he fills my heart with joy every time I see his face, get a text picture of him, or hear his voice in the background when Jen is trying valiantly to have some sister time on the phone. But growing up, and now especially as an adult, I have always loved the amazing relationships I share with the awesome women who are my aunts! I have been blessed with strong, caring, selfless women who love our family and have loved me like a daughter-- and I can't wait to be that for Miss Riley Beth! Thank you to my awesome aunts for all their love and support, and for helping shape the woman I am today.

Sharon, aka Sherry Belle, is my mom's sister. Her son John and I were born so close, and were best friends growing up. It seems like one of us was always at the other's house! Sherry is the picture of grace and Godly love. She has taught me the worth of appreciating all my blessings, because she definitely appreciates every one of hers!! She always has a smile to give and a positive thing to say, and is such a light for my naturally-old soul. Sherry is a natural caretakers of everyone around her. We can talk and laugh for hours, and I truly miss being close to her! Luckily, Sherry Belle takes the time to remember me whenever she is near the metroplex-- let's have another Mattito's visit soon Sharon! But without the tornado this time :)

Aunt Kathy, aka Kass, is my mom's other sister. I cannot believe I do not have a single picture of us anywhere on my computer except this one! Wow!! (Yeah, that's me, chubby + curls, and Kass is holding me.) Much like Sherry, I can remember few times when I wasn't at Kass's house playing with cousin Dustin or he wasn't at mine! Kass was very important in my life, especially as I was being raised by a single mom. The greatest school days were when Kass would pick me up and we'd go to Sonic for a Dr. Pepper and tater tots-- extra crispy! I got to sing a trio with Kass in church, and play handbells with her--I think it is great when aunts and nieces actually get to have hobbies together! This picture is actually from a going away present Kass and her daughter Ali made me-- a book of family memories that I still look at to this day. Kass, Kau-Kaus, and Ali have all come down to see me and were so sweet to stay an look at Christmas lights in Highland Park with me-- I was dying to have some family here to do that!

Aunt Robin, aka Bobber, is my dad's sister. She was very close to my mom and to Kass when they were younger, and now she is very close to me! Bobber is near to my heart in so many ways, and I have been so lucky to get closer to her as I got older. Bobber and I share so much! Our love for healthy living, challenging exercising, and of course, GREAT food and wine! Her friendship means the world to me, and even though she's an aunt, I feel like she's more of a sister. I wish I lived closer to her! A trip to Alabama in the near future is a must- I just need to start saving my pennies and make it happen. Like me, Bobber is a p90x grad-- you should see her legs-- rawr! And no griping, Bobber, about the pic-- you do not have man hands. Bobber made her last trip home to Bammy from Texas even longer by stopping into Dallas, just to see me. The sweet card she sent me after our visit reminds me every day just how much I'm loved!

I sure do have amazing women in my life. I hope and pray that someday I can be a tenth of the woman to Riley!!

And to state the obvious, there is another amazing woman in my life, the center to all this! But that's for later-- Mom deserves her own blog!