WAHOOOOOO! I
LOVE week three! Equanimity.
If you don't know what that means, what the heck is wrong with you?!?
....just kidding! I had no clue. Thank God for Google, which I used before the week's reading so I didn't feel like such an idiot... I'll share a few definitions:
- Websters: evenness of mind especially under stress: nothing could disturb his equanimity
- Dictionary.com: mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium, serenity, self-possession.
- Wikipedia*: a state of mental or emotional stability or composure arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of the present moment.
Samuel Johnson defined equanimity as "evenness of mind, neither elated nor depressed." In Christian philosophy, equanimity is considered essential for carrying out the basic virtues of gentleness, contentment, temperance, and charity.
If you're thinking... huh? I'll give a couple of examples from our reading, which I loved and repeated many times this week.
There are innumerable things we cannot change - the rude salesclerk, the traffic, the flu. Rather than fighting, it is so much simpler to just accept that we aren't in control of these things. Then we can turn our energy toward something more proactive, such as changing the things we can.
It is so easy to get reactive when we feel like we aren't in control. It happens every day, in a thousand small ways (and sometimes big ones). We spill coffee on ourselves on the way to work, we react. We hit a traffic jam, we react. The boss takes out his or her mood on us, we react. Our kids act up, we react. Again and again we get caught up in the endless cycle of stress, reactivity, and blame.
Equanimity is the art of meeting life as it meets you- calmy, without drama or fuss. This is the way out of frustration...
An inner revolution is not about taking control. Control has no real healthy place in our lives, and only robs us of our serenity. We think we change things by taking charge, by "grabbing the bull by the horns." But if you think about it, grabbing a bull by the horns would be a crazy thing to do. We change by finding equanimity and learning to relax right in the middle of conflict-filled moments. (Baron Baptiste, emphasis added)
Wow. Now THAT is a lesson. But I have LOVED it! I am a
very reactive person. I find myself screaming at other drivers when they cut me off-- like they can hear me! If they
could hear me, I never in a million years would scream at another person like that. So why, in my car, when the only one to hear it, the only one to feel that negative energy, is me? I react when Tyson** jumps on my desk when I'm studying-- I throw her off, yell at her, get
so frustrated! I swear the man above me probably thinks I beat my children-- I'm surprised I haven't gotten a visit from CPS yet. But really, what did my getting furious, frustrated, annoyed do? Nothing. This week, as Tyson hurled her hefty self up onto my desk and started knocking things off and sitting on my laptop, I calmly picked her up, went to the couch, sat her in my lap, and spent about two or three minutes petting her. She purred, closed her eyes, drooled a little (yep, they drool), and let me put her down and get back to work. Having calm and meeting situations in the way they meet you can truly change the dynamic of every moment of the day.
Baron took that a step further-- imagine you're on a ship, and it's suddenly sinking. The vast majority of people would do what? Panic. But the person who can greet the situation with equanimity, who can see it as life, coming to them, and something they needed to meet with coolness and peace,
that person can be calm enough to see the life boats, to help others aboard, to remember where she saw some life vests earlier.
That person will save lives-- because of her deep awareness and acceptance of that present moment, others will not be harmed.
A few other places my equanimity grew this week...
...calmness in
waiting. I HATE WAITING. In line at Walmart, for a friend who said they'd be ready, for a phone call to come back... This week, I noticed those times, that frustration; I observed it, gave it its due value; and then I let it go. I took a breath, cleared my mind, and
waited, without anger, frustration, or anxiety.
...serenity in
stress. I have a stressful life. I do. That is fine. But this is where the cycle Baron spoke of-- stress, reactivity, and blame-- happens most. I get assigned a cite check from law review when I just turned one in (stress); I get mad and freak out about how much work it will take and how my portion is dozens of pages longer than other students (reactivity); and I launch into conversations with other ILRA editors, with my sister, even with myself, doting on
how unfair law review is and
how busy it makes me and
how stupid the people writing these articles must be (blame). ...What good did all that do? None. It takes an event that shouldn't even be negative and turns it into a stressful, frustrating, unhappy situation, one where I spend four or five days being randomly mad for no reason. This week I focused on less griping, less stress, less blame. I wasn't perfect, but this was a
great week, and I think this is why.
...awareness of the
moment, especially with friends and loved ones. This ties in with the "Presence" week for me-- often, I am not even and aware of where I am. I am in the next moment, trying to figure out how to get somewhere on time, when to fit in my run for the day, blah blah blah. When that happens, when I'm losing myself in that stress and anxiety, I'm missing a story my friend is telling me, letting a professor's knowledge pass me by in class, giving up a chance to help someone out because I don't even notice they need it. Greeting life calmly means doing it
now, not trying to anxiously head off what could be happening later.
A lot of this week for me has been stopping an old way of thinking: when I used to be in a situation I didn't like, I'd try to "turn it into" something positive. For example, if I were in traffic, I would think,
ok, how can I "flip" this around? I know! I'll turn on great music and sing! Or I'll call a friend! That is not my mindset here. I am not changing a bad into a good-- I am trying not to classify it as "bad" in the first place. It just IS. This change has given me so, so much peace. If you are a worrier, it will for you, too.
I LOVE week three. I want to stay here forever! But, week four starts tomorrow. I think my small group will be happy-- they have all had big challenges this week that made their equanimity hard to hold onto. But it's a new week, new focus! :)
Yoga-wise, equanimity comes in when you hit a pose that, for whatever reason, challenges your calmness. It could be a balance pose that you have trouble staying in, a hip opener that causes some physical (and maybe emotional) discomfort, a stretch in a place that makes you want to give up for a minute. It is in these moments I am choosing equanimity-- that is, meet this pose as it came to me, with calmness and staying power, and, instead of bailing out, breathe deeply, stay calm, and let my body do what I know it can. The challenge to not just stay in a pose, but to relax in it, and to let it
be, is a hard one-- but it totally changed my practice this week.
Relax with what is. I may not be flexible, or have perfect balance, or be as strong as I want, but I can accept that, keep breathing, and smile on the inside with peace :)
A few poses I've relished this week, instead of fretting over...
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| Pigeon pose-- it's hard to tell, but her foot and knee are under her body, putting a big stretch in the hip. This can be physically uncomfortable, and actually elicit an emotional response. I've been told by many people that humans hold a lot of emotions in their hips; it may seem odd or a little too "yogi" to you, but maybe try a big hip opener and see for yourself! :) I finally relaxed, breathed, and met this pose with peace this week, and it was AHmazing. |
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| Half Moon-- this is the balancing frustration I was talking about! I am rather annoyed by how easy it looks in this picture-- it's dang near impossible! My foot cramps, my lower outer leg cramps, my hands are slippery, sweat is getting in my eyes, and somehow I'm supposed to balance, stack my hips on top of one another.... and then look up? Well, I could wine about all that like I just did, and give up and rest, or I could just accept and do. Thanks to the help of a hands-on assistant this week, I loved this pose for the first time ever. |
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| Lastly, a series-- this is extended side angle. For the first time in a long time, I took this pose.... |
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| ...to this pose, which is a modification called a "bind," then, with a decision to just try it and see what would happen, I went... |
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| ...to this pose, bird of paradise. Wahoo! I never try these. Never. I tell that myself binds hurt my arms., that I can't extend my leg, that my lower leg already hurts too much to try. Instead of doing that - stress, react, blame - I just tried. ***Disclaimer below. |
A great verse for this week for me was Philippians 4: 6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
More next week: sneak peak, it is Restoration week! Namaste :)
*I love Wikipedia. Love it. My goal in law school used to be to get published. Now, it is to get a paper published in which I cite to Wiki :)
**Tyson is not a child. I realized that paragraph looks realllllly bad. Here is Tyson:
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| I used an old picture from when she was skinny. She's getting tired of me calling her fat. |
***Disclaimer: Events represented by the picture were grossly misrepresented. Add a frustrated "trying to poop" face, about two gallons of sweat, a trembling bottom leg, a much-less-straight top leg, and you almost have the picture. I am not a pretty yogi. And I looked even less excited at the moment than that lady did! A closer representation:
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Yes, I sweat this much. And I am this happy about it.
On a side note, if you're ever needing a laugh, google "drowned rat images." |
****I know there weren't four *'s anywhere, so don't go try to find them. Sammie got jealous that Tyson got in a blog and not her. So here is a picture of Sammie.
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| Yes, she was in a crock pot. Yes, she put herself there. Often. Why? Who knows. |
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| And one more, from when she used to smush herself between the screen and window. A bright one, she is. |
