Fearlessly myself. Unapologetically, happily, fearlessly me.
My mom would call me her "rebel"-- but she said it smiling, and I know she loved me being exactly who I was.
What I miss most? I'm not sure. High school Sarah was far more selfless. She was equally shy but less reclusive. She was determined and never once had a victim mentality, but always an "I can do that, "I can be that," "I can make that happen" mindset. She had random different hairstyles every day, and didn't ever wear jeans (not sure why...). She knew who she was, but wasn't prideful about it-- simply content with it.
So, I want her back. And I'm going to do something everyday this week to remember her, or maybe just wake her up!
Today:
Live outside myself. Yep, I'm shy... but that doesn't mean automatically preferring to be alone, or thinking only about my life when plans change or things get messy, or ignore a friend's call or text just because I'm feeling hermit-ish.
Today is a bit abstract, but it kind of ties in with tomorrow.... We'll see how this goes!
Tuesday:
Keep living outside myself, and...
Do an act of kindness... Note I didn't say random act... Random somehow implies it is for a stranger, or someone you aren't close to. Those are wonderful, and if that is the act I see, ok, but I don't think acts of kindness-- on-owed and un-earned-- to people you LOVE mean that much more.
Day one = success! Keeping a lookout for my act(s) of kindness today.
Wednesday:
Keep living outside myself, and...
Do an act of kindness, and...
Do something you used to LOVE but haven't in awhile!... By the way, this really backfired on me. I chose to (drumrollllllll.....) go rollerblading! I used to blade for hours a day, all summer long. Well, I'm not as young as I was, and my fear got the best of me, as did some broken glass.... Let's just say my leg is angry at me, and I can't sit down very well!
Thursday:
Keep living outside myself, and...
Do an act of kindness, and...
Do something you used to love but haven't in awhile, and...
Enjoy your hair again!... I used to always "fix my hair... and by fix, I don't mean stand under heat for hours to straighten, or let it air dry while constantly scrunching and obsessing over "imperfect" curls... I mean I did FUN stuff! Braids, twists, you name it. Did a waterfall twist today... I miss having FUN with my hair! When was the last time you treated your hair as FUN and not work?
Friday:
Keep living outside myself, and...
Do an act of kindness, and...
Do something you used to love but haven't in awhile, and...
Enjoy your hair again, and...
Don't say anything negative!... About my life, or anyone else's. I may have been serious when I was young, but I was positive, an optimist. I remember not understanding why people were upset about things, because I always looked at the other situation. I remember in elementary school, when everyone was making fun of a kid who, in the wealthy school I went to, didn't have much money. I asked, "What's so wrong with Charlie?" The answer? "Duh, he has cooties." I think part of the reason I didn't fit in at that school was that I was the kind of kid who then said, "That's dumb. Cooties don't exist."
Charlie actually did end up being kind of a trouble kid, the kind who talked back to teachers and would never do what they said... But then again, I bet I would too, if kids had been making fun of me since kindergarten.
I glanced yesterday at my status updates on facebook. The last three? How much I hate Thursday, how hard my life is, etc. No more!! Time flies when you're busy, and I think half the reason is that you're just always waiting for the next fun thing-- the weekend, 5 o'clock, a vacation. So, no more negative. Enjoy the moment-- if I'm not loathing right now and waiting for tomorrow, maybe life will slow down a bit.
Probably the hardest thing this week, and I'm sure I'll mess it up plenty. But at least I'll try!
(A quick update: yep, I've already messed up... still trying though!)
* And on another note.... doing "good deeds" feels so nice. So goes that old saying, "If you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering up someone else." Even selfless deeds make YOU feel good when you do them, right?? Well, introduce new struggle: when people take good deeds for granted... as, sometimes, they do. And they don't appreciate them, or they toss them aside, etc...
...Oh, well. A good deed done is a good deed done, and the point wasn't to make MYSELF happy, so I can't exactly gripe. We'll try again tomorrow!
(A quick update: yep, I've already messed up... still trying though!)
* And on another note.... doing "good deeds" feels so nice. So goes that old saying, "If you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering up someone else." Even selfless deeds make YOU feel good when you do them, right?? Well, introduce new struggle: when people take good deeds for granted... as, sometimes, they do. And they don't appreciate them, or they toss them aside, etc...
...Oh, well. A good deed done is a good deed done, and the point wasn't to make MYSELF happy, so I can't exactly gripe. We'll try again tomorrow!
