Oh, the things you see in the South...

I love trips home.  I get to see so many things on my little drive from Dallas, Texas to Archer City...
Usually, these involve painfully-slow elderly; a variety of trucks, rigs, and colorful gestures from their drivers; and hundreds of barely-surviving, thirsty-looking trees.  Occasionally, I get to view some good ole Texas wildlife... a panicked deer, sprinting directly in front of my car instead of heading any one of a jillion other directions... a group of wild turkey, known to be so fierce they make dust out of windshields... a mini Texas tank, a.k.a. "armadillo," a species that is completely invisible in life, and only become plain to the human eye after being hit by a car.
But my favorite sights of all-time?  The ones us classy Southerners put out there for all to see, proving in all their redneck glory just how country we are.
For example, this little sign, still close to my hometown, but far enough away from uptown to have some personality:

Why yes, I WOULD love some finger-lickin' rotissaflame! How ever did you know? It IS totally natural, after all! 

Or perhaps the gas station where I stop for gas near 114.  Notice I say "stop for gas."  Not "stop for gas and a potty break."  Why?

Just so you know, this bad boy has been improving...  the sign used to point to just ONE some-what sideways port-a-potty...  Now, they have TWO.  Big leagues!

Don't get the wrong impression from the picture, though.  You ARE welcomed inside, if not for use of lavatories, so long as you fit certain standards-- "no shirt, no shoes" just wouldn't cut it for this upscale business...

The sorority girls standing in a group outside toting over-sized Louis Vuitton's & holding Mardi-Gras masks for that night's mixer looked particularly crestfallen!

Never fear, I was smart enough to leave my large gun-holding bag in the car, walk in completely alone, and let the surly former-linebacker clerk see my city-girl face-- how else could I get my redbull?

And the end of our trip today brings us to good ole' Bowie, Texas--- the Wal-Mart parking lot of Bowie, Texas, to be exact!

(Ok, how great was that intro?!? Anything in a Wal-Mart parking lot that prompts a driver-by to retrieve her camera and make a u-turn for the pic HAS to be good!)

I pulled in the parking lot in the right hand lane, and saw almost immediately that I was in a right-turn only lane, which truly distressed me, as Wal-Mart was to the left! Luckily, the kind souls in Bowie being what they are, the Oldsmobile behind me waived me into his lane, but not before I spotted this...

I can just hear the convo of the road-pavers now...
"Billy, I just cain't tell what to do! There's two dadgum roads on this here plan, but only one of them gets into the Wally Mart! Now what in tarnation are we supposed to do with the other?!"
"Well Jimbo, don't we have some of them extry "only turn yerself right" signs?"
"Well, yeah, sure, Billy, but what would they be a-turnin TO? They's gotsta be a-turnin' into SUMthin!"
*silence*
"I got it!! We got more of that don't-go-further-than-this-here-fence fencin', don't we? Looks to me like THAT'S sumthin!"

Their wives must truly be proud. 

Stay tuned-- holidays are bringing more trips home, and an added bonus-- WEATHER!  There is little funnier than seeing how rednecks react to the sight of snow-- except how they try to drive in it. 

Mmmmmmm.... DIP.

Ok, it's no secret that I like food. As a true member of my family, my FAVORITE foods are (1) foods that are cheese-based and (2) foods that allow grazing.
You know, grazing... as in:

Graze: [greyz] 

1. to feed on growing grass and pasturage, as do cattle,sheep, etc.

...Or, in my case:

2. to stand around a table at family events, even if there are ample seats and plates available, and slowly rotate around the table while stuffing one's face and wondering how to perform the infamous Double Dip without being chided. 

As a lover of all things food, I've been cooking like crazy lately! But what's weird is that I have never blogged about it. I'm not sure why-- laziness, maybe, or maybe fear that the blog about food, following a blog about my cats, will deem me a Bridget Jones before I'm even 30. 

All that said, I have found some good stuff. And it must be shared with the world. The first, of course... a dip! Jalapeño Popper Dip, to be exact!

I found this recipe online, at foodgawker.com. But, of course, it wasn't spicy enough. Or cheesy enough. Or crispy enough. My friend Leslie shares my same love for waist-band destroying dips, so we perfected the recipe!! Here goes nothing...

Jalapeño Popper Dip

Ingredients:

8 oz cream cheese, softened

~6 oz shredded cheddar... Ummm, or MORE.

~6 oz shredded parmesan.... Yeah, or more.

3/4 cup mayo

1 small can diced jalapeños... or 2...

2-6 jalapeño peppers, seeded and finely diced. Yes, I said 2-6. We've used up to 6 with no issues. In fact, although four is our regular number, if I start chopping the peppers and don't immediately cough, two more go in!! But I know some people don't share our love for self-torture, so for you guys, 2 should be plenty. And please, do yourself (and your eyes, if you have contacts... your nose, if you have a cold... your nethers, if, well, you ever have to pee... a favor and WEAR GLOVES.)

Panko bread crumbs-- and don't use the regular ones! These make the dip!

Tortilla chips

Salt & Pepper

Garlic Salt

Whatchya Do Now...

Oven at 350.

Medium, square or circular baking wear heavily sprayed with Pam

Now, mix both types of peppers, cream cheese, mayo, all the cheddar, and almost all the parm. Season with S&P and garlic salt to taste. Dump in your well-lubed dish (Baby Mama side note... "Is it ok if I just spray a little Pam down there right before the baby comes?).

Mix some panko crumbs with a little more garlic salt and a few teaspoons of parm-- not to much, or instead of a crispy, flaky delight, the top will become an impenetrable shield, breaking every chip that tries to enter it and leaving you with NO DIP!!

Put this mixture on top of the dip, shaking it around to make the topping even.

Bake at 350 for... well, we haven't quite figured this out. Somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes is good, but just so the top gets nice and brown!

Then... ENJOY!! If you're allergic to gluten like my friend Leslie, just grab some gluten free corn chips (Doritos are actually gluten free), and sub the panko crumbs out with crushed up rice chex! Actually, believe it or not, the chex might make a better topping-- the jury is still out on that one.