Usually, these involve painfully-slow elderly; a variety of trucks, rigs, and colorful gestures from their drivers; and hundreds of barely-surviving, thirsty-looking trees. Occasionally, I get to view some good ole Texas wildlife... a panicked deer, sprinting directly in front of my car instead of heading any one of a jillion other directions... a group of wild turkey, known to be so fierce they make dust out of windshields... a mini Texas tank, a.k.a. "armadillo," a species that is completely invisible in life, and only become plain to the human eye after being hit by a car.
But my favorite sights of all-time? The ones us classy Southerners put out there for all to see, proving in all their redneck glory just how country we are.
For example, this little sign, still close to my hometown, but far enough away from uptown to have some personality:
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| Why yes, I WOULD love some finger-lickin' rotissaflame! How ever did you know? It IS totally natural, after all! |
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| Just so you know, this bad boy has been improving... the sign used to point to just ONE some-what sideways port-a-potty... Now, they have TWO. Big leagues! |
Don't get the wrong impression from the picture, though. You ARE welcomed inside, if not for use of lavatories, so long as you fit certain standards-- "no shirt, no shoes" just wouldn't cut it for this upscale business...
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| The sorority girls standing in a group outside toting over-sized Louis Vuitton's & holding Mardi-Gras masks for that night's mixer looked particularly crestfallen! |
Never fear, I was smart enough to leave my large gun-holding bag in the car, walk in completely alone, and let the surly former-linebacker clerk see my city-girl face-- how else could I get my redbull?
And the end of our trip today brings us to good ole' Bowie, Texas--- the Wal-Mart parking lot of Bowie, Texas, to be exact!
(Ok, how great was that intro?!? Anything in a Wal-Mart parking lot that prompts a driver-by to retrieve her camera and make a u-turn for the pic HAS to be good!)
I pulled in the parking lot in the right hand lane, and saw almost immediately that I was in a right-turn only lane, which truly distressed me, as Wal-Mart was to the left! Luckily, the kind souls in Bowie being what they are, the Oldsmobile behind me waived me into his lane, but not before I spotted this...
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| I can just hear the convo of the road-pavers now... "Billy, I just cain't tell what to do! There's two dadgum roads on this here plan, but only one of them gets into the Wally Mart! Now what in tarnation are we supposed to do with the other?!" "Well Jimbo, don't we have some of them extry "only turn yerself right" signs?" "Well, yeah, sure, Billy, but what would they be a-turnin TO? They's gotsta be a-turnin' into SUMthin!" *silence* "I got it!! We got more of that don't-go-further-than-this-here-fence fencin', don't we? Looks to me like THAT'S sumthin!" |
Their wives must truly be proud.
Stay tuned-- holidays are bringing more trips home, and an added bonus-- WEATHER! There is little funnier than seeing how rednecks react to the sight of snow-- except how they try to drive in it.
